The Trouble With Hand Washing

My wife and I go out to dinner often. Our usual "hot spots," if you will, are places like Chili's, Ruby Tuesdays, etc. Nothing terribly fancy at all, really; just a place where she can get a decent meal and I can get a decent burger. Lately, however, there's been something that's been irritating me to no end. No, no, it's not the decor of these places (though really some of them need to just take it down a notch)...it's not even the varied levels of service at some locations.

It's these bastards.




You've seen them. You've used them. Chances are you've yelled at them as if they'd give you some sort of response back. And the thing that kills me is that some ass-hat thought these would be a great idea.

If, for some reason, you've never even seen something like this, let me break it down for you. What you see before you is a paper towel dispenser that is motion activated; you wave your hand in front of it and magically the towel comes out. Sounds like it's convenient? It's about as convenient as a porcupine booster seat - sure, it might be a big porcupine and give you some height, but it's still a pain in your ass.

You see, they dispense one sheet at a time. One sheet. I don't know about you, but when I wash my hands in a public restroom with paper towels, it usually takes about 4 of them to actually absorb the water on both of my hands. "So what," you may ask. "Just keep waving your hand, get your towels and get on with your life." That's the idea, alright...if it would let you do that in under 3 minutes.

The thing that really blows my mind is the fact that people think these are going to help cut down on excessive paper usage. These "people" are also the same fools that want you to use one piece of toilet paper per trip to the bathroom, and (though this hasn't been totally proven yet) carry around a bag of granola to swallow just in case the idea of food springs to mind and they can't find something "natural" to eat.

There is, of course, a simple solution to this problem. Trouble is, it might require actual thought on the part of restaurant and store owners.



This is the Dyson Airblade. When we went on our honeymoon to Niagara Falls, my wife and I decided to check out a local mall. Much to my delight, these amazing marvels of hand-drying innovation were in every bathroom, right along with the dumbass motion-sensor towel things. Basically, you place both of your hands down into the opening, and a very strong blast of air comes out to thoroughly dry them in under a minute. These are, quite simply, the best damn air dryers since those jet-engine reject blowers seen at almost every Target. The only difference is that the Dyson doesn't make your skin ripple and make farty noises due to the strength of the airflow.

So this is my simple plea to the people who design mall/restaurant/movie theater bathrooms - ditch those abominations of humanity that give you one sheet of paper an hour, and splurge for the Dyson Airblade. Not only will you make your customers happy, you'll actually be doing something to save the damn planet.