WARNING: Rant, Ahoy

Lately I've been going through some internal reflection. For the most part, this is due to my job; for well over a year now, I've worked to the best of my ability and managed to continue living despite working very unusual hours (by typical standards, anyway). Even though I show up on time, do my best and eventually leave, I feel as if it's all for naught.

I graduated from college with the degree I gained for a rather simple reason: to help those who need it both mentally and physically, and to hopefully one day make a difference in someones life. This required classes in psychology as well as human development; I graduated in 2008.

Here it is, the year 2011, and I have a job in the human services field. Only I have no use for my college degree with this job; if anything, what I needed was a degree in patience for both those with disabilities and those with little to no common sense.

A job that I once considered fulfilling and meaningful is slowly but surely contorting into something that I (in more stressful situations) loathe going to. And the thing is, this loathing has little to do with the clients I serve. I mean, yes, it was a very crazy night on my birthday when I was nearly knifed for some cereal; it was even crazier the night I had to leave early due to stomach issues that were later revealed to be a panic attack. No, honestly the clients are fine. It's the pure bureaucratic silliness that has pushed me to levels of frustrated anger that only my car knows about from the many rides home where I've vented.

Without going into too much detail, I'll just say that the situations that bring me to annoyance generally are attributed to a kind of "who's on first" implementation of rules and guidelines. While some will insist that something must be done a certain way, there could be another 3 people who have no earthly idea what you're talking about or that such a rule was in effect. Paired with that is a very backwards method of motivation for staff. And the backwards part of it is that there is no motivation. For every crisis that was handled to the best of the ability of staff, there's at least one or two things that were supposedly done incorrectly that are pointed out first (and, more often than not, last).

So where does that leave me? Well, that's the issue. I don't know. I'm not quite past my threshold for frustration yet; honestly, I'll be as far away from that as possible thanks to the staff I currently work with. But I gotta tell you, folks, I'm about ready to start considering going back to school at some point. I will need a change, this I know for sure. But when will it be best? When could or should I make my move? No idea.

For now, I'll continue to do what I do. And hopefully this will include more writing. Like I said in my previous post, there's some things I'm working on that I'd love to share as soon as I can put them in type. With the exception of my wife, at this point it seems like that will be the only thing that'll keep me sane.